August 24, 2018

I am 34 work days away from retirement, my last day of working with Lincoln County Health & Human Services being October 12th. Over the last 6 months (since I last posted anything here), I have been figuring out how to finalize two major escapades in my life: full time work and my first completed CD. It is very typical of my life that both are happening at the same time, both took years to arrive at, and both are doorways to another existence. I have worked either one full time job or multiple part-time jobs since I was 14 or 15. Those jobs were for the most part disconnected from music or writing, although imagination and being able to think creatively about very routine problems helped. I’ve always felt like a fraud, cowardly because I didn’t quit working to be an artist of some kind. I fell back on having an income, health insurance, a working car, cell phone, computer, a relatively normal life. I supported my grandson through high school and a bit beyond, so having an income was useful. I have to shrink my level of consumption though, and confront my assumption that I have enough money for whatever. That is a good thing – I’ve never been very good with money, tend to spend it too quickly, so now I have to be conscious about what I spend, how much and for what. I’ll have to live within my means for the first time in 20 some odd years. There’s something very comforting about that, since having more than enough money didn’t really mean anything to me, I can detach from those ties that bind and focus on other things, such as melody, rhythm, songwriting – none of those are dependent on having a credit card.